Mike: OK, for those of you who missed it at yesterday's afternoon press conference, our very own Paul Lassider was hit in the face with a rotten tomato.
(All cheer.)
Mike: (seriously) And That's a bad thing!
(All sigh.)
Paul: Honestly, honestly, what kind of guy throws a tomato at another man and runs? I'll tell you what kind-a coward, a wuss. Boy! What I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with that guy!
Mike: (watching his watch) He'll be here at noon.
Paul: Good! You tell him he's lucky, lucky! I am taking an early lunch! (slipping away)
Mike: James were meeting with this farmer this afternoon, were try'n to get him to move his vegetable 1)stand, and I'm gonna want you in there with me, there is a lot riding on this.
James: Wow! Thanks, Mike! I'm um, um, honored, flattered. I really don't know what to say.
Stuart: Don't let it go to your head, Jethro. You're the only one around here that speaks 2)hick.
(In the afternoon.)
Mike: Mr. Stepnosky, 3)howdy! Thanks for coming in.
Stepnosky: I'm not movin my tomato stand!
Mike: Wo, wo, wo, you haven't even heard our offer yet. Now we're willing to pay your entire 4)relocation cost, we'll give you tax 5)abatement for the first year. And to sweeten the pot, a picture of the mayor of New York City personally 6)autographed to you - ¡°loyal supporter¡±!
Stepnosky: Blairidy, my lawyer, says I got an iron clad lease. I make good money where I am! I'm not leaving!
Mike: I hear ya. Key chain, coffee mug. That's it now. And now don't go telling the mayor I did this. Mr. Stepnosky, I promise you, you will sell just as many vegetables downtown.
Stepnosky: Tomato is a fruit, Mr.! You call it a vegetable, you might as well put me in a mini-skirt and call me a woman.
Mike: Fruit it is!
James: Hey Mike, sorry I'm late... (surprisingly) Stepnosky?
Mike: You know the vegetable guy?
James: Fruit guy, Mike. Back in Wisconsin, Stepnosky and I used to compete in the pig contest at the county fair.
Mike: Pig, pig contest?
Stepnosky: Where we come from, we take that kind of thing pretty serious, Mr.! (to James) I would have taken you back at 7)Swine Fest 93', but nah you disappeared, vanished without a trace, never to be heard from again.
James: I went to college.
Stepnosky: Well, you left behind quite a 8)legacy. And no matter how many fairs I won, I was always second best, always in the shadow of 9)hog boy Hobert.
Mike: Hog boy? (to Stepnosky) Hey, hey I bet you would like a rematch?
Stepnosky: You bet I would.
James: No, no, Mike, I'm done with pigging.
Mike: (to James) You win, (to Stepnosky) you move your vegetable stand.
Stepnosky: Fruit stand.
Mike: Whatever.
