TWE053
In contemporary society, the views to the relation between working and money largely differ among people. Some consider that working is the process to realize a person’s value, money just being the attachment, but others in contrast, take the money as the sole object of working. For my part, I take the view that the money a person earns is the most important aspect of a job. My arguments for this propensity are listed as follows.

One of the most crucial reasons for this view is that the money a person earns can almost represent a person’s other aspects, including his education, value, capability or experiences. Furthermore in nowadays, it gradually becomes the main tendency that the more outstanding a person is, the more money he earns. So the income is as important as, if not more important than, other elements in a person’s life. Examples in the case can be obtained easily. One of my schoolmates graduating from a famous university, hold the post at the Microsoft Company as a leader of Financial Department. As a successful man, he receives a high payment and is admired by many people. Otherwise, one of my friends living in the rural cannot supply himself by his own earnings and is often neglected by others.
Another essential factor for my propensity is that only with money can a person freely do things he likes to do. It is hardly to imagine that if without sufficient money, how can we build our warm family, even not mention to go to travel. Extremely, without money, even the simplest willing cannot come true. In the poor areas in our country, many children cannot go to school, for having no money to pay for textbooks.

Admittedly, as we pay much attention to the money a person earns, we cannot deny the importance of other aspects in working, such as communication with workmates, or the satisfaction after realizing selves’ value. However compared with the money, they are at the second place.

From all the arguments mentioned above, it is not difficult to conclude that I believe that the money a person earns is the most important aspect of a job.

修改意见:
In contemporary society, the views to the relation between working and money largely differ among people. Some consider that working is (consider working as)the process to realize a person’s value, money just being the attachment, but others in contrast, take the money as the sole object (aspect)of working. For my part, I take the view that the money a person earns is the most important aspect of a job. My arguments for this propensity are listed as follows.

One of the most crucial reasons for this view is that the money a person earns can almost represent a person’s other aspects, including his education, value, capability or experiences. Furthermore in (多余)nowadays, it gradually becomes the main tendency that the more outstanding a person is, the more money he earns. So the income is as important as, if not more important than, other elements in a person’s life(多余). Examples in the case can be obtained easily. One of my schoolmates graduating from a famous university, hold the post at the Microsoft Company as a leader of Financial Department(one of my schoolmates graduated from... and hold a position in...as the leader of...). As a successful man, he receives a high payment and is admired by many people. Otherwise(on comparison), one of my friends living in the rural cannot supply himself (can barely sustain his living)by his own earnings and is often neglected by others.

Another essential factor for my propensity is that only with money can a person freely do things he likes to do. It is hardly to imagine that if without sufficient money, how can we build our warm family, even not mention to go to travel(how we can build our warm family without sifficient money, not to mention going to travel). Extremely(多余), without money, even the simplest willing cannot come true. In the poor areas in our country, many children cannot go to school, for having no money to pay for textbooks.

Admittedly, as we pay (while paying)much attention to the money a person earns, we cannot deny the importance of other aspects in working, such as (the)communication with workmates, or the satisfaction after realizing selves’ (their own)value. However compared with the money, they are at the second place.

From all the arguments mentioned above, it is not difficult to conclude that I believe that (多余)the money a person earns is the most important aspect of a job.