作为文章或演讲辞，首先应该有文章的样子：开头、主体、结尾。而上面这篇文章只有一段。这首先给阅卷教师一个很不好的印象。一段的文章一般很难有及格的可能；两段的文章一般很难高于9分。这次作文的提纲和以往不少考试作文提纲一样是两段。但我们完全可以先安排一个简短的开场白作为引言段；然后再根据提纲要求写出两段作为主体（一段自我介绍；一段今后打算）和结尾（对听众的感谢）。
        
        其次，这篇文章的内容安排和深度也存在问题：作者只是简单地根据提纲提示介绍了自己的能力（Since I came into the university, I have always been the monitor of my class. I have done a very good job for my classmates, and my classmates and my teacher all give me a good praise.）、性格（I am good at communication and organizing. And I like to help others.）、爱好（Moreover, I have a variety of hobbies, for example, basketball, football, pingpong, etc.）。为了使文章的中心更加突出，写作时（尤其是作文考试时）我们需要写出醒目的中心思想句(Topic Sentence)。如这部分的中心思想句可以这样写来：I know that I will be qualified for the future job. I gain the confidence from my past experience and from my knowledge of my own personality。主题句之后应该紧接着扩展句：First of all, I have always been monitor of my class ever since I came into this university. In this post, I have done a great deal for my classmates。这是证明中心思想句的第一个分支观点。为了证明这个分支观点，我们需要更加详细的论据和细节：比如arrange for a trip to Hangzhou, the most beautiful city in China; find out students from poverty-stricken areas and help them overcome difficulty with donation。在这些细节之后再通过别人的赞美来证明自己工作的成就：For the wonderful job I have done and great contribution I have made, I have been often praised by both my classmates and my teacher。同样，后面写自己的性格和爱好时也应该用具体的论据（事实、数据等）。这样文章就条理清晰、论证充分了。
        
         再次，这篇文章有些明显的语言错误，如“reach your demands”应该为 “meet your demands”； “I am sincerely hope” 应为 “I sincerely hope”。 另外下面这句：Moreover, I have a variety of hobbies, for example, basketball, football, pingpong, etc. 一般情况下，for example之后应为对前面综述的具体举例，但basketball, football, pingpong并不是兴趣，而只是一些球。尽管读者也知道这些指的就是作者兴趣所在，严谨起见，还是应该说: for example, playing basketball, football, pingpong.